


Martyr

by blacksehuns



Series: The Fallen Martyr [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gaslighting, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Queer baiting, Slow Build, Slut Shaming, Smut, Unrequited Love, Violence, basically everyone's messy and unsure of their sexuality, i'll give a warning when that part comes, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of minor character death, mostly xiuhan romance and hunhan friendship w sexual tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:41:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11212050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacksehuns/pseuds/blacksehuns
Summary: Luhan, Minseok and Sehun are best friends. Sharing exclusive secrets and a bond so strong that nothing could ever get in the way and separate them. Until one day, Sehun and Luhan disappear from the community and leave Minseok behind to fend for himself as uncertainty and questions of the disappearance begins to eat him alive as time goes on. Two years later, Minseok decides to move to the city to find them, and gets more than what he bargained, leaving to ponder whether if it was the best decision or the worst mistake of his life.





	Martyr

_Minseok is sinking. He doesn’t know where he is but decides not to ask. His body frozen but he doesn’t resist, the quiet, warm aura forcing him to relax and trust his safety in such a weird, incomprehensible place. He doesn’t know why he’s sinking or how he’s in this position but he chooses not to challenge it, instead, letting the feeling consume him. He closes his eyes, the realm of heaven a slumber away, so close yet so far from the peace he’s desired for the past five years of his life. Nonetheless, he feels unsure. He shouldn’t feel this comfortable, he doesn’t know where he is, he can even be walking to his death and he wouldn’t even know it until it’s too late. Minseok opens his eyes and is met with a window with his reflection looking back at him, like a fish trapped in an aquarium for the viewer’s pleasure. The realization then dawns on him, he’s underwater and trapped in a glass box filled with water and a large window occupied with his mirror, staring at him expressionlessly, mild curiosity brewing at the corner of his eyes. Minseok doesn’t know what to think of the situation but he needed to get out. Immediately._

_He tries to move, his brain screaming at his body to move, unfortunately, to no avail. He then tries to yell at the reflection in front of him, in hopes that he’ll respond, that he’ll understand and try to help, but no sound comes out. On the other side, reflection Minseok doesn’t flinch, eyes cold as he watches underwater Minseok struggle to survive in the water and his life quickly faltering in front of him. As underwater Minesok drowns, he feels hopeless, disillusioned that his own reflection can watch him suffer and not do anything about it. He doesn’t want to accept defeat, it cannot be his time yet, it just can’t, he’s only seventeen. His hopes are further crushed when reflection Minseok suddenly turns and begins to walk away from him._

_“Hey! What are you doing? Come back!” his mind screams as reflection Minseok walks away from him. He hears a set of voices, but as his body begins to lighten and his brain fuzzy, he can only make out one word that stands out of the garbled mess flooding his ears. The word repeats over and over, like a broken record, blocking out the other voices boldly and firmly, like a secret message to him._

_“Why?” Minseok hears a soft voice echo through the surface. It’s the first and last thing he hears before he succumbs to the darkness._

“He left! He left! I can’t believe he actually left!” a voice sobbed throughout the comfy two-storey home. The shrill cry wakes Minseok out of his sleep. Still dazed from the dream that just unfolded in front of him, he wondered what could’ve happened to cause someone to be that severely distressed. He quickly throws on some pyjamas and creeps downstairs, stopping by the middle of the stairs, careful to not attract any attention.

“We apologize for coming over at such an inconvenient time but as close family friends and both our sons being best friends, it would be the best to address the issue to you first.” A lower voice says, Minseok’s heart stopping as he recognizes the owner being Luhan’s father.

Luhan is Minseok’s best friend. They first met in third grade when Luhan first immigrated from China. His voice was rough, heavily accented to the point no one really understood what he was saying. Over time, he was able to settle comfortably with Minseok and his small group of friends. Although they were in the same group, Luhan spent most of his time with Sehun while Minseok stayed with Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Junmyeon. They definitely didn’t hate each other, but they just didn’t have much to say, until a youth group session in seventh grade changed everything.

_“So,” the youth pastor begins, “Does anyone have any questions or comments about this week’s passage?”_

_“Yeah,” Luhan starts, “I just think it’s stupid how Jesus had to die for something he didn’t even do and how did anyone not step in when Judas betrayed him? Or how Peter denied him, not once, but THREE times when-”_

_“Okay, that’s enough questions from you, Luhan,” the pastor interrupts, annoyed at the fact that Luhan comes prepared with the most outrageous, obnoxious responses towards every passage they reviewed. Luhan scowls but decides not to challenge the pastor’s dismissal. “Since we are almost out of time, are there any quick things you guys want me to address or go over?”_

_Krystal raises her hand. “Is there anything you want us to do to prepare for next week?” The pastor smiles warmly. He has a warm spot for Krystal, as does almost everyone else, Minseok included. Minseok has a tiny, well if stuttering like an exposed school boy and turning into a tomato every time she walks past him counts as tiny, crush on her since the second grade. She was perfect in Minseok’s eyes, soft porcelain skin, gentle waves of brown hair that falls beyond her shoulders, just the way he likes it. Just seeing her laugh and flash a smile knocks him off his feet and swells his heart with glee._

_“I don’t expect much except a small reflection on the program, probably a paragraph at the most, explaining how you felt about the passages you read on each day. Deciding on preparation I’ll decide whether we will present or move on. Did I answer everything?”_

_“Yes,” Krystal says, the class nodding in agreement. Well most of the class, Luhan was still fuming from not having his questions answered. “Perfect, so I will see you all next week right? Let’s pray.” The pastor leads the group to a standard closing prayer, everyone closing their eyes and following respectfully before heading their separate ways. Minseok was about to meet up with Luhan and Sehun to leave when he was suddenly approached by Krystal._

_“I just wanted to let you know that you sang really well today!” she said, wearing that warm smile that takes his breath away. “Oh! Yeah uhm, you did great too.” He said, a blush creeping up his face. He can spot Luhan and Sehun snickering in the corner. “Heading home?”_

_“Yeah, I’m just waiting for my mom to pick me up. I’m assuming you’re walking home with your friends right?”_

_“Actually, we’re going out to eat as we usually do after session,” Sehun interrupts, slinging an arm around Minseok, ignoring the elbow being stabbed into his side from the latter. “You and your pretty friends are more than welcome to join us, if you want.”_

_The interaction between the two friends doesn’t seem to phase Krystal at all. “Yeah, totally, I’ll see if next week works out and I’ll let you know beforehand if that’s cool.”_

_“Of course! That’s perfect, I guess I’ll see you around.” Minseok squeaks out, giving a small smile before heading outside to give those two instigators a piece of his mind._

_“What the fuck was that for?” he snaps, causing the two to roar with laughter, their eyes tearing up as they gasp for air._

_“You were about to choke and faint in front of her hyung, we had to step in and help.” Luhan interjects. “Ahhh Krystal, you’re so pretty and sweet! I can’t, I can’t, oh my god! EEEEEP!” Sehun mocks, making sure to add extra dramatics by batting his eyelashes in an exaggerated manner and falling into Luhan’s arms, causing Luhan to tumble to the ground while holding Sehun, unable to contain his laughter. Minseok couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the drama queens in front of him._

_“You’re so hot and sexy, I can’t help but think about kissing-” Sehun stops as he dodges another swat from the smaller man. Luhan doesn’t notice the dialogue in front of him, still recovering from the comedic entertainment in front of him._

_“I’m gonna go call Kai and see if him and Taemin can pick us up on the way. Don’t give Minnie any more grief than we already did. I don’t need you brought in a body bag alright?” Sehun says, nudging Luhan before walking a few steps away from them._

_“We didn’t mean to cause any trouble and make things hard for you. Besides, it was all Sehun’s idea to step in. I would’ve preferred to watch the show unravel.” The response was met with a hit followed by a scowl from the elder and a yelp from the younger boy._

_“Although, I was thinking,” he continues with a devilish smirk, “Wanna get back at Sehun for embarrassing you in front of Krystal? I have a plan and it’s gonna be good.”_

_Minseok pondered the idea for a moment. Although he didn’t feel like stooping down to his level, it would be fun to give Sehun a taste of his own medicine. “Alright. Count me in.”_

_The remainder of the night involved a lake, laughter following a string full of curses from a certain target, a table full of pizza, and the start of a new union between two distant friends that will never separate even if the odds were against them. Or as he so thought…_

Minseok must’ve drifted off too far because he noticed the adults spotting him and calling to his attention. Minseok began to panic, he didn’t know what excuse to make up on the spot or what to say. Fortunately, he didn’t need to make any excuse because his parents call him down to the living room. He decided to sit in an empty chair beside the window and used the position to take a good look at everyone. Luhan’s parents appeared devastated, his mother’s eyes were red and bloodshot, most likely from crying. His father, although there were no tears, he had a very dejected look on his face, a face of disappointment, as if he let someone down. Minseok’s parents on the other hand, looked tired, bored almost, as if the last thing they want to do on a Friday night is comfort their friends when they can be using the time to sleep in after a long week of work.

“Minseok,” his mother began, “We have some news to tell you.”

“Is everything alright?” Minseok asked, seeing the look on everyone’s face tells him that there’s nothing good that will come out of this discussion.

“Well, what basically happened is that-” his father was interrupted with the doorbell ringing. His mother gets up to open the door, with whispers and small talk coming the doorway. Minseok’s mother walks in with Sehun’s parents and the youth pastor from youth group. Minseok was confused. He wondered what could’ve happened to Luhan and Sehun to warrant this reaction. As they settled and sat in the living room, Minseok can slowly start to feel the tension filling up the air.

“What I wanted to say is that, something has happened to Sehun and Luhan.” His father continued. Minseok felt his stomach drop at the thought of something bad happening to his best friends. Thoughts begin to linger in his head. Are they still alive? Are they safe? Where in the world can they be and why didn’t they tell him?

“They haven’t returned home since yesterday evening and you were the last person that has been in contact with them. Is everything alright? Did they tell you anything to warrant this behaviour?” Luhan’s mother asks.

“No, not at all.” Minseok says. He was at a loss of words. He saw them on Wednesday during and after youth group. Everything was going normally. They still cracked jokes, made fun of him being a stuttering mess in front of Krystal, talked shit about the head priest and how his head looked like a pylon, just things that one would expect from Sehun and Luhan. What he won’t dare say was how they acted a little more secretive than usual. The secret glances, the whispers they shared. Even when hanging out with the group at the restaurant after Wednesday’s session, they were unusually sentimental, reflective, apologetic almost, as if they were planning to make a move that will shake the community, hence why everyone’s meeting and discussing their whereabouts.

“Well, there have been times where young people have run away from the community over the years, almost like being exiled, but voluntary.” The pastor begins, hesitant to speak in fear of upsetting the parents. “Usually, it’s always people who question or challenge their faith who always break away from the community. They would go to the city, which is not bad, but they don’t usually have a good outcome.”

“What do you mean by ‘not a good outcome?’” Luhan’s mother gasps, worried about what her only son may have gotten himself into.

“Well, the city kids aren’t really like the kids over here.” The pastor continues. “They tend to have differentiating views that may-”

“Just get on with it already. What’s in the city that can be so terrible for people in the community to live in?” Minseok snaps impatiently, feeling a bit guilty seconds after but he was irritated with the stalling that the young pastor is trying to attempt.

The pastor sighs, “Fine, basically, kids here are more sheltered and yielded away from negative forces such as drugs, underage drinking, premarital sex and every sinful thing you can think of. When they get into the city, they are suddenly exposed to these things and they don’t know how they should react to it. Especially if they’re like Sehun and Luhan, who are not as stable in their faith, may cause trouble in the community which can lead to being shunned if caught engaging in the behaviour above and brought in front of the church leaders.”

Minseok gulps. Getting shunned from the community is never a good thing. If one is shunned, they cannot enter the church again and community members are not allowed to talk to them, as they have committed an unforgivable sin in front of God. Also, if they’re shunned, Minseok will never be able to see them again, as they have been exiled from the church, unless he also leaves and puts himself at risk of being shunned. He won’t lie, he does carry his own self-doubts, but he doesn’t think it’s worth losing contact with his family and friends so he pushes them away and tries to avoid thinking about it.

Luhan’s mother sobs at the idea of her son being ripped away from her permanently and not being able to do anything about it. Minseok’s mother immediately rushes to her side, quick to offer comfort and support. Sehun’s parents on the other hand, look emotionless, unsurprised.

“I mean, we saw it coming if we’re being honest,” Sehun’s father explains, “Sehun refuses to come to church with us and we’ve been fighting a lot lately.”

“He’s always had a mouth on him,” his mother adds, “Not too fond of following rules, but as his father said, lately it’s been out of control. We already prepared for the worst. He’s already ran away before, so him doing it again is not surprising. He’ll most likely get shunned and we’ll never be allowed to talk to him again, it’s heartbreaking but it’s life, we can’t do anything about it.”

Luhan’s mother muttered something under her breath that Minseok wasn’t able to catch on, but it was enough to set Sehun’s mother off as she barked at her in a tone so harsh, it shook Minseok to the core.

“Did you just call my son a troublemaker? Don’t you dare act like your son was any better either. He put my son through so much-”

“But I can sure as hell confirm that Luhan did not misbehave. He attended church regularly with us, attended youth group every Wednesday evening and focused on what the pastor had to say unlike-“

“Enough!” Minseok’s mother interrupts, irritated at the fact she did not sleep properly due to work and the last thing she needed was her friends to get at each other’s throats. “We don’t have time to sit here and bicker around when there’s children missing. Right now we need to figure out what the first step is and how we’re going to find the boys.”

Everyone nodded. Sehun and Luhan’s lives mattered more than who was the better parent. Minseok on the other hand, felt a sudden surge of fury. He couldn’t believe his own best friends, or so he thought he were, could just leave without letting him know. Fury then turned into guilt and self-pity.

“Maybe, I was never in their circle at all.” He thinks. He always felt like the third wheel in their relationship. Sehun and Luhan were the best friends, he was just tagged along for the ride. Sehun liked to pick on him and Luhan only started paying attention to him after the day they tricked Sehun. Maybe he was never apart of the whole group at all. Everyone was all close to each other while he just stood out like a sore thumb. Krystal probably thought he was pathetic, taking his pathetic attempts with a polite smile then judging him behind his back. “How about we tell the lead priest in the morning and conduct a search party. I don’t think we need to wake anyone else up at this time of the night.” Luhan’s father suggests, throwing Minseok out of his emo reverie. Everyone agreed, partly because they were exhausted, but because it’s the best they can do at two in the morning. As everyone left, only Minseok and his parents are standing there, unsure of what else to add.

“I guess I’ll be going back to bed,” Minseok’s mother says, finally breaking the long silence between everyone. “And Minseok, don’t tell anyone about this situation, understood?”

Minseok nods. He makes no effort to get up and return to his room, curling into a ball on the couch. His father just pats him on the back, reassuring him to take it easy before he retreats to bed. He feels drained, angry, confused. Where does he start? How does he reach out to them? Hell, he doesn’t even know if they’re still alive. On the verge of tears, Minseok tries to avoid thinking of the worst. Conflicted, he turns to the only thing he’s known all his life, prayer.

“Dear God, I know Sehun and Luhan are out there. If you’re listening to me, honestly, I don’t know why I would even say that, I know you’re listening to me. Right?” he hesitates, before continuing, “Please, guide me to them, send me anything, just anything, that lets me know that they’re alive. Please, protect and guide my friends wherever they are, and that we meet again someday. Amen.”

He slowly opens his eyes and walks to the large couch in front of the TV, curling up before letting sleep consume him, the memories of him with the duo more comforting than the harsh reality before him.

* * *

 

Minseok wakes up to a blanket wrapped comfortably around him. He can hear the gentle sound of rain splashing against the window. Suddenly hungry, he walks to the kitchen and stumbles across a note accompanied with a letter beside the table.

_Minseok,_

_Your father and I will be out for the day. I found a letter for you while checking the mailbox this morning. Make sure to eat well and give it a read whenever you can._

_Love, Mom_

Minesok felt his heart racing. Who would send him a letter out of the blue. He suddenly thought about his prayer last night. Is it Sehun? Luhan? Who would send this to him and more so, why? He opens the letter and lays the content before him. The letter contained two pages of written messages. The first page was messy, filled with doodles and wrinkles at the side, showing that the writer was probably bored and wanted to give the message some personality. The second page was neater, perfectly straight with no lines or dents, but filled with words. Minseok picks up the first letter and chokes when he sees the sender, holding back the tears that threaten to spill.

_Minnie hyung,_

_Sorry for bailing out and not telling you sooner. Luhan made some arrangements with some people in the city, I was able to connect with Baekhyun hyung and shit went down so we had to leave quickly and quietly so no one would notice. I’ll never thought I would be saying this, but damn, I miss you a lot. I miss you, Junmyeon hyung and everyone else but I won’t miss that bumfuck community and the archpriests who always had a stick up their ass. I hope we can meet again, my friend. I love you._

_Your #1 dongsaeng,_

_Sehun_

Minseok shakes his head as he wipes his tears, smiling down at the page before him. Sehun was a tough one, but he won’t lie, their relationship was based on jokes and tough love. Minseok switches onto the second letter. It was slightly longer, though not as friendly as opposed to Sehun’s. He braces himself for the lengthy explanation from Luhan and why they left. It never came through. Instead, he gets a brusque yet detailed response that does anything but explain the situation.

_Minseok,_

_There’s not enough words to explain how I feel. Not enough room in this stupid piece of paper to explain shit. Sehun and I, we had a reason for leaving. This church, this fucking shithole of a cult, the shit rules that crucify people for breathing I... I just couldn’t take it anymore and Sehun felt the same way so we just got our shit together and just took off. You’re probably pissed off right now and I don’t blame you, I would feel the same way if I was in your position. Again, I can’t tell you everything here because of certain reasons and other stuff that I need to get out of the way first. Anyways, if you wanna see me, just call me. I’ll leave my new number (had to change my old one) below the letter and we’ll see from there._

_Luhan._

Minseok felt his blood boiling. No apology, no begging for forgiveness, hell, not even a question asking about his wellbeing and if he’s doing alright after being left behind by his so-called friends. Normally, he expected Sehun to be the selfish one but he didn’t expect Luhan’s response to be so cold. He felt his face burning and the paper crumbling beneath his fingers. Minseok becomes tempted to pick up the phone and call Luhan, so he can yell at him, tell him how much he hated him, call him every swear word out of the book but it wouldn’t solve anything. Deep down, beyond the anger and rage, lies the hurt, the betrayal. He saw Luhan as his best friend. The one person he told everything to and vice versa, as he so thought. What hurt the most is that Luhan didn’t seem to show any feeling in the letter, as opposed to Sehun. He wanted Luhan to miss him. To call him and lay it all out, to put it to rest once and for all, so everything would be okay and back to normal, just like the old days. At the same time, it just doesn’t feel right. Minseok doesn’t know what to say or do. How to take in all this information. He sighs, maybe one day, he will call Luhan. One day. As for right now, him and Sehun will have to wait. Instead, Minseok throws the letters into the bin beside the coffee table and storms off to his room.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, that was one hell of a prologue. After writing it, I now just want to give Minseok a huge hug and fight Hunhan for leaving him in the dust (and Luhan especially for being a little shit). The aggressive language in the letters from Hunhan may sound a bit off-putting but as the story goes on and you learn more about the church you will see why they got fed up to the point of leaving. 
> 
> About posting, it may be a while (few days) before I post again because I have a bunch of tests and papers coming up for college :'0 so I gotta get that out of the way first but make sure to follow me on Twitter (@/blacksehuns) for updates and if you wanna talk & befriend me (don't worry, I don't bite lol)
> 
> I hope you like the story and I can't wait to see you next chapter!
> 
> p.s. I also apologize for any grammatical errors throughout the chapter, I usually rush through editing so I usually miss a few things so if you notice anything please let me know so I can make any changes asap pls forgive me :33


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